I need your advice. [He really does hate asking for individual help, but he figures Ushahin will give him better answers than he's heard over his time in Asgard.]
[He'd rather not meet up somewhere with people walking by, but he resigns himself to walking toward the park.]
See you soon.
[It's always a bit of a walk, but ??? isn't concerned about avoiding people on the way there with his grey hoodie hiding his headphones. When he finally makes it close to the park, he shoves his hood back and turns his music off as he scans for Ushahin visually and telepathically. That doesn't take very long to track him down, so ??? will be making his way toward him.]
[??? will definitely be finding ushahin via telepathy and not by sight, because he's sitting in the middle of a large grove of trees, invisible from the well-manicured pathways, a blanket spread out on the ground beneath him. there's a raven sitting on ushahin's shoulder grumbling and preening his hair, but when the bird hears ??? approach he gives a disgruntled kaugh and settles himself in a nearby tree instead]
[??? hesitates when he enters the grove, taking a moment to watch the raven before quietly taking a seat on the blanket. He immediately cuts to the chase though:]
What good is Telepathy for if the people you care about don't want you using it?
People fear, and hate what they fear. They call what they fear bad, or evil, or wrong. Telepathy is not bad or good, just as a rock is not bad or good. You may use a rock to build a house, or you may use a rock to do this.
[he pushes back his hair, showing the ruined side of his face]
Either way, it is a rock. Most would tell you that it is bad to use a rock to smash in the side of a child's head. And yet, the child who did so to me is sung as a hero in the land of my birth, because they think me a monster. And perhaps now it is true, but then I was merely a child.
[ushahin shrugs, letting his hair fall back down]
Your friends are afraid, because you can know their secrets, but they cannot know yours. They are vulnerable, and you are not. Can you understand that fear?
[He studies Ushahin's ruined side for the moment it's exposed, but he looks more thoughtful than perturbed. He's managed to glance it before, and it makes sense with what he learned when they first met.]
So it's how you use it that makes a difference. [??? nods a bit though.] I get that fear. I've observed it in other people, and I've sort of been an observer back in my world. Being able to watch and knowing beforehand.
But with Telepathy...there's always going to be some fear against me, huh? [A dry laugh:] It's funny. I wouldn't have cared about what people thought before of my use of this power, but now I do thanks to it. Learning to have friends and reading others emotions directly-- I've relearned empathy that way, I suppose.
Well, can you blame them? You guard your mind against me. But yes, it's how you use it. You could follow the will of your friends, and stop using it on them. Or you may simply tell them that. I am not a man, and if I was I would not be a good one, so I cannot tell you what is right and what is wrong. It is your choice how you wield your power and to what purpose.
[ushahin smiles. he's not even attempting to shield his mind from ???, his mind is a mess of memories, his own and other peoples']
That is the bit they don't understand. And likely won't. But truly, would you want them to?
[He doesn't comment on the first bit mostly because hiding his mind is a result of a few reasons. The fact that his mind is made of binary thoughts for info storage until he's consciously processing them. He may be very human-like, but that doesn't mean his mind isn't programmed like a computer in some ways. He's still made of data after all. Not that there isn't a lot going on in his mind at all times; he's constantly processing things when he's not asleep (and even then he organizes information, which is as close to dreaming he's ever going to get). There's memories of Roxas as his whole along with Sora's and other people's, all from Roxas' memories, the events of the datascape, and from Asgard. Sadly, there's always an underlying negativity that seems to permeate his mind-- the hurt he has to carry for his role and that's still active despite that role being completed. It sits between a very low state of consciousness and something that runs throughout his coding. And then there's "him". The memories built off from Asgard that has, in a way, helped to create his own individuality even if he doesn't quite recognize it as such. It's what's made him more than just a ghost despite his form of existence. However, that part of him wasn't supposed to be there despite its fight to remain in his system, and the result is a definite clash of processes and, more or less, a conflict of identity. Not something so easily disentangled.
He tries to hide all of that to both protect himself and because he's programmed for a limited identity and little contact with other entities. That means all that data is supposed to be hidden no matter what, and it's only thanks to his new memories that he's able to express anything outside of his original programming.]
I don't exactly walk the line of good either. I'm pretty much in-between the two. [In between darkness and light at times, he really is a Nobody in that regard.] I still use it to help me find where people are, but I've tried to get away from it. It's been creating more damage now than good, yet...I have times where I don't want to listen, I just want to-...I want to alter someone's thoughts. I want to manipulate them.
And maybe I do, but I think it's easier if some of them don't know what I was like before I learned. There's a few who don't really understand how much I've gone through either to get to this point. [Mostly Lea, but there's some things he'd like to talk about with Roxas that he know he can't.]
[honestly, ushahin would find all of this fascinating, especially since he has no understanding of computers at all. but he'd also say that the fundamental reasoning is the same--??? is hiding the truth of himself as much as any of his friends wish to hide theirs. there's just a vast difference in the composition of that truth]
But for what reason do you want to manipulate them? All persuasion is manipulation, little ghost. It is attempting to change something to one's preferred outcome.
[Maybe one day, Ushahin, ??? will let you peek into his head. But for now, it's easier for him to stay guarded.]
I don't know, I just want to do it. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular or the thoughts specific to anything. I keep having this urge to mess with someone's head.
[??? sighs, shaking his head after a moment.] It's hard to decide. I guess not...It would be too much of a hassle, and I don't think they'd like me for what I was before.
[ushahin considers this for a moment, looking at the raven still sitting in the tree nearby]
How was it you came to be that way, and came to be so very different now? It has been my experience, in a general sense, that most 'monsters' are made, not born.
[Now this is the difficult part. He's never been good at giving information away while he's on-edge. A part of him isn't sure how to feel about being called a 'monster' either since it's different from being a 'ghost' in the data-scape.]
...When I was created, I was made so that I only felt pain. I had teach someone else about hurt, so my existence was fitted to that roll.
Sometimes, it's necessary to manipulate. An outcome must be achieved, something needs to be accomplished. But most often, the fascinating complexity of things appears when they are left to their own devices. Even when it is terribly frustrating. I have watched the world for a fair bit of time, and every one who I have seen try to hold too many strings has had everything fall down around them.
[ushahin considers himself a 'monster', in the context he's using. it's a word used at him, not one he necessarily believes]
You were made, then, to fulfill a function. Who could blame you for that, little ghost? If anything, you defy your creator and your purpose by growing beyond them. That is only a credit.
Heh, I don't plan on controlling the whole city, you know. [He manages to chuckle a little to himself, even if he's almost immediately reminded of Xemnas. That leaves behind a bitter feeling.]
Actually, I've used Telepathy to manipulate enemies before on the battlefield. I made them turn on each other, confused them, 'accidently' protect me. But I don't really want to use it now to achieve anything. [??? pauses, glancing to the side as he thinks.] ...I haven't really been in control of things around me lately. Maybe that's it.
['Monster', by ???'s interpretation, is what a Heartless would be called back in the data-scape, hence he's unease. As for defying his creator, he doubts he would ever really want to defy Namine, especially when she approves of his evolution, but he's not going to say anything on that note.]
I may have grown, but it's still a big part of me. It's a little better now because I've grown and my duty back home is complete, but I still hurt and hurt others.
That would be dreadfully boring. It's much more interesting to let them all go about their business. My meaning was that any manipulation becomes more complex the longer it must be maintained.
[ushahin definitely wouldn't anticipate that the creator of a being made entirely to teach pain would be very forgiving or encouraging of its evolution. that would be a pretty big surprise, actually]
Of course. I had not meant to suggest otherwise. What is your goal, little ghost? What do you strive towards?
[??? ends up shrugging a bit.] You're the expert. I haven't tried anything longer than a brief encounter or trying to distract someone. Those are easy.
[Ushahin must meet his Mother then. That's why he could never go against or hate her. He may have been created to teach pain, but it's for a much greater good.]
Right now? Still finding a place for myself, I guess. It's a relief that I've completed my purpose, but I don't really know what to do with myself. [He stops a second with a sickened smile flickering into place.] I finally want to stick around even if I'm still hurting, and if the gods would finally make up their minds and keep me human, it'd be even better.
They are. To maintain requires a certain diligence. This power is not really intended for such things. It is a blunt, clumsy instrument.
You realize, little ghost, that 'finding a place' is a great part of the condition of Man, yes? Perhaps you should ask them, if you can make a convincing argument that it would further their purposes.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[Text]
[audio]
no subject
See you soon.
[It's always a bit of a walk, but ??? isn't concerned about avoiding people on the way there with his grey hoodie hiding his headphones. When he finally makes it close to the park, he shoves his hood back and turns his music off as he scans for Ushahin visually and telepathically. That doesn't take very long to track him down, so ??? will be making his way toward him.]
no subject
Hello, little ghost. Come sit down.
no subject
What good is Telepathy for if the people you care about don't want you using it?
no subject
[he sets his chin in the palm of his good hand, elbow on his knee]
Why do these people not want you to use it?
no subject
no subject
People fear, and hate what they fear. They call what they fear bad, or evil, or wrong. Telepathy is not bad or good, just as a rock is not bad or good. You may use a rock to build a house, or you may use a rock to do this.
[he pushes back his hair, showing the ruined side of his face]
Either way, it is a rock. Most would tell you that it is bad to use a rock to smash in the side of a child's head. And yet, the child who did so to me is sung as a hero in the land of my birth, because they think me a monster. And perhaps now it is true, but then I was merely a child.
[ushahin shrugs, letting his hair fall back down]
Your friends are afraid, because you can know their secrets, but they cannot know yours. They are vulnerable, and you are not. Can you understand that fear?
no subject
So it's how you use it that makes a difference. [??? nods a bit though.] I get that fear. I've observed it in other people, and I've sort of been an observer back in my world. Being able to watch and knowing beforehand.
But with Telepathy...there's always going to be some fear against me, huh? [A dry laugh:] It's funny. I wouldn't have cared about what people thought before of my use of this power, but now I do thanks to it. Learning to have friends and reading others emotions directly-- I've relearned empathy that way, I suppose.
no subject
[ushahin smiles. he's not even attempting to shield his mind from ???, his mind is a mess of memories, his own and other peoples']
That is the bit they don't understand. And likely won't. But truly, would you want them to?
Oh hey, look at all this tldr. OTL
He tries to hide all of that to both protect himself and because he's programmed for a limited identity and little contact with other entities. That means all that data is supposed to be hidden no matter what, and it's only thanks to his new memories that he's able to express anything outside of his original programming.]
I don't exactly walk the line of good either. I'm pretty much in-between the two. [In between darkness and light at times, he really is a Nobody in that regard.] I still use it to help me find where people are, but I've tried to get away from it. It's been creating more damage now than good, yet...I have times where I don't want to listen, I just want to-...I want to alter someone's thoughts. I want to manipulate them.
And maybe I do, but I think it's easier if some of them don't know what I was like before I learned. There's a few who don't really understand how much I've gone through either to get to this point. [Mostly Lea, but there's some things he'd like to talk about with Roxas that he know he can't.]
no subject
But for what reason do you want to manipulate them? All persuasion is manipulation, little ghost. It is attempting to change something to one's preferred outcome.
[ushahin tilts his head, curious]
Do you want them to?
no subject
I don't know, I just want to do it. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular or the thoughts specific to anything. I keep having this urge to mess with someone's head.
[??? sighs, shaking his head after a moment.] It's hard to decide. I guess not...It would be too much of a hassle, and I don't think they'd like me for what I was before.
no subject
[ushahin considers this for a moment, looking at the raven still sitting in the tree nearby]
How was it you came to be that way, and came to be so very different now? It has been my experience, in a general sense, that most 'monsters' are made, not born.
no subject
[Now this is the difficult part. He's never been good at giving information away while he's on-edge. A part of him isn't sure how to feel about being called a 'monster' either since it's different from being a 'ghost' in the data-scape.]
...When I was created, I was made so that I only felt pain. I had teach someone else about hurt, so my existence was fitted to that roll.
no subject
Sometimes, it's necessary to manipulate. An outcome must be achieved, something needs to be accomplished. But most often, the fascinating complexity of things appears when they are left to their own devices. Even when it is terribly frustrating. I have watched the world for a fair bit of time, and every one who I have seen try to hold too many strings has had everything fall down around them.
[ushahin considers himself a 'monster', in the context he's using. it's a word used at him, not one he necessarily believes]
You were made, then, to fulfill a function. Who could blame you for that, little ghost? If anything, you defy your creator and your purpose by growing beyond them. That is only a credit.
no subject
Actually, I've used Telepathy to manipulate enemies before on the battlefield. I made them turn on each other, confused them, 'accidently' protect me. But I don't really want to use it now to achieve anything. [??? pauses, glancing to the side as he thinks.] ...I haven't really been in control of things around me lately. Maybe that's it.
['Monster', by ???'s interpretation, is what a Heartless would be called back in the data-scape, hence he's unease. As for defying his creator, he doubts he would ever really want to defy Namine, especially when she approves of his evolution, but he's not going to say anything on that note.]
I may have grown, but it's still a big part of me. It's a little better now because I've grown and my duty back home is complete, but I still hurt and hurt others.
no subject
[ushahin definitely wouldn't anticipate that the creator of a being made entirely to teach pain would be very forgiving or encouraging of its evolution. that would be a pretty big surprise, actually]
Of course. I had not meant to suggest otherwise. What is your goal, little ghost? What do you strive towards?
no subject
[Ushahin must meet his Mother then. That's why he could never go against or hate her. He may have been created to teach pain, but it's for a much greater good.]
Right now? Still finding a place for myself, I guess. It's a relief that I've completed my purpose, but I don't really know what to do with myself. [He stops a second with a sickened smile flickering into place.] I finally want to stick around even if I'm still hurting, and if the gods would finally make up their minds and keep me human, it'd be even better.
no subject
You realize, little ghost, that 'finding a place' is a great part of the condition of Man, yes? Perhaps you should ask them, if you can make a convincing argument that it would further their purposes.